Pink spotting – it feels the end is in sight πŸ˜ž

It has been a while since I posted, and lots has happened since with the ex. The long and short of it mean his bail conditions currently mean he can’t contact me. More about that another time!

So I have had a horrendous weekend. I have been pink spot bleeding off and on and I have stopped feeling pregnant. I have contacted the EPU and they say only to go in if I have really severe blood loss. Outside of that, they wont see me. I was booked in for a scan this Thursday.

It seems like the thing I feared and dreaded most is becoming an actual reality. My body is not allowing me to carry the one thing I want the most.

I feel guilty. I have been so stressed. I found out a close friend had passed suddenly in his sleep and I am concerned that my stress has contributed to the miscarriage I am beginning.

Also, what does one do in this situation? I am using a pad in case blood flow increases, but do I rest? Do I carry on as normal?

Devastated doesn’t even come close to how I am feeling. I had been so excited to meet my baby and expand my family. To everyone else this is a group of cells. To me this is my baby that I have been a mother to for the last couple of weeks.

I am still in too much of a state of shock to comprehend how this will affect me long term. I don’t want to believe it’s happening.

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