30th December 2017

So the ex arrived today. It appears he thought that we are now back in a full blown relationship just because I’m pregnant. It doesn’t work like that. More importantly we don’t work.

I am resenting him being in my bed; I just want to starfish.

Nothing has changed. He watched me do all the domestic chores knowing I have nausea and dizziness and just carried on reading his book. That is a step up to be fair, he would normally have full control of the remote but my daughter has decided to put her foot down! Not sure even he could sit through hours of American teenage crap.

This is where I have a real moral dilemma. He never wants to be a part time Dad again. He wants this for keeps. But I don’t want to be with someone just for the baby, it will only trigger my mental health issues even more and resentment will grow. If it hasn’t already. His snoring annoys me, his laziness pisses me off, his inability to do jobs around the house drives me insane and let’s not even start on his unhousetrained dogs.

But what right do I have to not allow a father to have a family life with his child? How is it fair for me to end things permanently knowing that him being a part time Dad will break his heart? Not having me will break his heart too.

All I want to do is focus on my pregnancy and baby. I need time out and space. I just want to nurture this life growing inside me and keep it safe. The reality is, I don’t currently have the emotional or mental capacity to consider a relationship of any form. 

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